JP Gould became Grease Missile after being banned from three preseason scrimmages for generating 'unreasonable levels of velocity and food-adjacent residue.' Originally developed as part of a failed military program to weaponize concession-stand runoff, he was engineered for one purpose: launch himself through open ice with absolutely no regard for friction, physics, or public safety.
Season 2026 — D League
By The Numbers
16GP
2Goals
3Assists
5Points
4PIM
Classified File